BBC: TurkeyVision Returns Edition

Welcome back to a very thankful edition of the World-Renowned BBC! Today we celebrate the return of TurkeyVision! That’s right, go ahead and put on your TurkeyVision glasses and enjoy our favorite Thanksgiving Turkey Day facts!

Contrary to what some Gen-Zers believe, automobiles were not invented in the prehistoric era. Back in the olden days we had to use other living things to get around. Sadly, the great Horse HIV epidemic struck the US plains in 1961, making it impossible for the horseless pilgrims to make it in time to the Great Thanksgiving feast. Not making an appearance would have been a huge insult to the natives, and a massacre would have ensued. Thankfully, the great Giant American Turkey came to save the day! Put on your TurkeyVision glasses and see how they helped the pilgrims make it in time! And to thank these amazing creatures, we sacrificed them and ate them afterwards!

An extremely American pastime is running. Americans love to run like no other people do. Some say that Americans invented the Marathon. Since everyone runs a marathon every week, they tend to spend too much time away from home, their loved ones and their pets. That’s why people have started bringing their pets to run with them, but no one ever expected to have them destroy us and beat us at it! The current world record is held by a Giant American Turkey!

Did you know that America’s #1 support animal is the turkey? Dogs used to be the most popular support animal, but due to inflation people can’t afford to feed them. Turkeys literally eat roaches! They help keep your home insect free! But another great use of Turkeys as support animals is to help autistic children control their emotions better! Instead of having your kid yell at their siblings or friends, you can have your turkey absorb all their emotions in a therapeutic way!

Did you know the real reason Thanksgiving as a celebration was started was to curb cannibalism? During the horrible cold winters of the 1960s, the weak and the savages were not able to gather food and prepare for winter. To survive winter you had to fatten yourself and become a ball of blubber, so people back then used to resort to cannibalism to achieve it. To stop those barbaric practices, the pilgrims looked up a Betty Crocker recipe for a roasted turkey, and everyone agreed that it tasted so delicious, that they would stop eating each other and instead massacre turkeys. The turkeys didn’t hold a grudge as that Betty Crocker recipe was so good, that they became cannibals themselves. Hey, better them than us!

As you have seen today, Turkeys have been a huge help for humanity. Without them we would have been wiped out ages ago. We owe our lives, our families, and all of our technological advancements to them. The proper thing for us to do is celebrate them. Celebrate them as hard as we can! While they deserve recognition all year long, Thanksgiving is still a great way to honor these unsung heroes. Let’s put the silliness away for a moment and let’s honor them during our parades!

What are your Thanksgiving plans? How do you plan to honor turkeys? Tell us below and enjoy!